JEMELE HILL THE COMEDIAN, YEAH NO.

Jemele Hill is a columnist for ESPN.com. The other day she was filling in for Jim Rome on ESPN's Rome is Burning. She made this off hand remark about Chargers All-Pro linebacker Shawne Merriman's Mercedez Benez being stolen and set on fire:

"The All-Pro linebacker got his $180,000 Mercedes stolen this week. The good news: The police found it. The bad news: The police found it sitting on milk crates with no wheels and completely torched. 'Lights Out' got his ride lit up.

There are no reports to back this up, but I'm betting – and by betting I mean hoping – that whoever set that Benz ablaze busted out in that ridiculous sack dance just as the flames were starting to run rampant over the upholstery.

Karma is responsible for this. Merriman got his sled ripped and barbecued because he can't make a play without making a fool of himself, and people just aren't feeling it.

This is the same guy who accused Titans coach and classy guy Jeff Fisher of calling in a Code Red on him last year. Did Coach Fisher incinerate his Mercedes, too? It's worth looking into.

Sorry about your ride, Shawne, but not really. If you keep calling attention to yourself, you're gonna get it, and not always from the right people. Take my advice: This fall, shelf the dance, shut your mouth, and I'll bet your cars won't be set on fire nearly as often."

Whoa, Hill acting like the big woman on campus. Someone getting that ego trip huh? Filling in as host is empowering isn't it Hill? Getting brave...let me see you say all that in front of Merriman's face. Knowing that the Benz was his prize possession. She wouldn't say a word.

"Can't make a play without making a fool of himself" Kinda like can't fill-in as a host without making a fool of herself. My advice to you Hill, stick to your day job, shelf the comedy act, shut your mouth, keep columns, and maybe we'll all forget you filled in for Jim Rome.

Sorry you're just a fill in, not really because really you don't have the look f0r TV 0r radio for that matter. Let's just hope you don't car jacked one of these days, where your car gets stolen, but on crates, wheels missing and set a blaze...with you still in the trunk. Karma will be responsible for that.

JESSICA SIMPSON HOSPITALIZED BRIEFLY

Reports went out that Jessica Simpson was brought to the hospital after having a high fever over the weekend. Doctors say that she has a kidney infection. Shortly after checking in she was released and is said to be feeling better.

Simpson is currently recording a country album...I thought she was a pop artist? Trying to tap into that Carrie Underwood market huh? She's lost she doesn't know what direction to go. Her careers as good as done anyways. If she doesn't stay true to who she was when she started than no one's going to buy into her.

So where was her equally dumb boyfriend? Tony "Homo" Romo? I wonder how their conversations are? They should do another reality show with her. Just her and Romo having conversations. What do to idiots talk about?

ONE OF HAiDERS MOST HATED CELEB

This little prick is one of Celebrity HAiDERs most hated celebrity, Jesse McCartney. This is the first Zach Efron, he thinks he's hard by acting like a black guy. He's just an overall b*tcha$$.

Well this little b*tch is as selfish as they come. And lately he hasn't been an all that considerate of his neighbors. Apparently Mr. Cool has been having countless parties that don't start til 2:30 AM and last til the morning. Not cool. Neighbors have already have sent notices about his party antics and cops have broken up a bunch of his parites.

If I were this fools neighbor, I'd roll up on him sending his sorry a$$ to the hospital in a minute. I'd introduce him to the neighborhood by showing him the curb, with his face.

It's not that obvious that I hate him is it?

HEIDI MONTAG'S BROTHER DIES IN COLORADO NOT IRAQ

I was told some news today about how a co-worker's family is a military family. She's sadden and concerned because her husband and son are shipping out to Iraq for a years tour. I just felt really sad for her. This is what our society has come to. Our brothers, sisters, husbands, wife's, sons, daughters, etc. are being sent to Bush's war (don't count on any Bush or Bush relative to be fighting first hand in the war, the Bush's are cowards). These military souls are trained not to ask questions, do as they are told and do it to their fullest ability. Bush basically believes that the war has done great things for the world and our nation. No it hasn't. Before the war US civilians could travel all around the world along with the Middle East with no fears. Now, you can get kidnapped and executed for saying you're an American in foreign land. We are actually in more danger now than we were in the beginning. At least in the beginning the world understood our bombing of Afghanistan. But then invading Iraq caused the world to hate us. Let's all thank dumba$$ (President Bush) for that...

Anyways enough rambling back to celebrity news. Well this is pretty old news. But the news I heard about a co-workers family reminded me of this story of The Hills, Heidi Montag's stepbrother. Eric O'Hara was Heidi Montag's stepbrother, he was only 24 and he was already a combat veteran in the Iraq war. He'd been through numerous battles. Battles in which he saw many of his military brothers die right in front of him. But he managed to survive, on four occasions to be exact. After all the close calls he made it back home just as he left, in one piece. Eluding death four times, must have made Eric feel invincible, untouchable even. Sadly not so was the case. On February 28th 2008 Eric was removing snow from the roof of the Steamboat Grand Resort Hotel when he slipped and fell to his death. After all the close calls in war, he dies in freak accident? I guess death was out to get him. Makes you think final destination'ish (the movie). As much as I hate Heidi and her in the closet gay fiance Spencer, I have to pay respect to her stepbrother Eric. He was a person who wanted to fight for something he thought was right. Unfortunately Bush misled him. But still he was soldier.

BRAD N ANGELINA STILL NOT MARRIED!

Well reports all weekend from Star Magazine claimed that the best looking couple, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt finally tied the knot in New Orleans. Turns out Stars full of crap. When they couldn't back up their story with proof or evidence they did a retraction.

Fine make something up to get some attention. Or did they get "Pop Fictioned?" Hey I wouldn't be surprised if it was. Ashton is going to do great things with this show. It's destroying the paparazzi and the tabloids in a slow and painful way.

Anyways they are still not married. Why? Who knows. These two peaceniks are to busy trying to save Africa or something. Save our nation first.

SLIM BOD TO BIG BOD: JESSICA'S SHOWIN OFF THE TUMMY

Jessica Alba is blowin up, literally. Being preggys isn't doing anything for her looks. In fact she's following in the foot steps of the J-Lo pregnancy, in which J-Lo blew up as big as a house. Jessica says she's in her third trimester, so she's getting close to delivery time. So don't be surprised to see her blow up some more.

Pregnancy wise it's good for her baby. Means her baby's going to come out a big boy. Bad news for her, as a celebrity it drops her "hot" status tremendously, as a mother to be it means that if she's not going to have a c-section baby than she's going to have a lot of work to do during actual labor.

The big thing everyone is going to be looking at besides the human bus that's she's become is how well she will rebound from her pregnancy. Most importantly how fast she can regain her "hot" slim figure. We'll just have to wait and see. Odds are she'll be back to her normal self in a month.

AMERICA'S BEST DANCE CREW IS? JABBAWOCKEEZ OF COURSE

Was there ever a doubt in our minds that Jabbawockeez deserved to win? No. But in this often Black/White America that we live in, it wouldn't be a surprise if SQ pulled it off.

Who knew such a simple idea of wearing plain white full faced plastic mardi gras (of all things) masks would give a good dance crew a unique persona that would set them apart from the rest of the many dance crews out there. The member that came up with that bright idea should get a little more than his split share of the $100k prize money.

There are a few groups out there (like Nonstop or Creo Cookie) that are little better than the Jabba's but only by a hair. The Jabbawockeez are definitely one of the top groups out there. But again the character they unintentionally created by wearing masks make them a favorite.

Now that the masked men have come to mainstream light. Let's see just how many Byters come out to play. But like the Jabbawockeez motto goes, "Byters will be eaten!"

Lower Back Tattoos Now Available at Toys R Us

Article credit goes to VH1's Best Week Ever
Posted by Alex Blagg at 03/27/08 2:43pm

Head’s up, parents! If you’re one of those long-suffering people who've wished your daughter could have some sweet ink on her lower back just like mommy does, but have reservations about the ethics involved with giving your grade-schooler a permanent tat, FEAR NOT, for some genius sticker-maker has given you a new option: Lower Back Tattoo Stickers. Yes, now your adorable little ten year-old can finally have the kind of tramp stamp that tells boys on the playground that she might just give them an HJ under the monkey bars if they play their cards right. And best of all, it’s been made conveniently available by the good people at Toys ‘R Us, who have strategically placed this hot new line of child-ruining accessories in the vending machines by the door, so right between the Hannah Montana and Minnie Mouse stickers, your kid can find the fake “Do Me Harder” lower back tattoo she’s always wanted!

SAM " I CAN'T ACT " MILBY

In the Philippines this guy is one of the biggest heartthrobs. They consider his the Brad Pitt of the Philippines. In all honesty, this guys got nothing on Brad Pitt. Doesn't come close to his looks or the celebrity status that Pitt has. Nor even close to the amount of money Pitt has.

It's funny how our cousins in the Philippines goes crazy for these guys like Sam Milby or Piolo Pascual. They're not even full Filipinos. They're both half white. So they don't represent what a true Filipino looks like. They're tainted with a different race. But they still go crazy of this guy.

But you have to watch this guy Sam act though. It's the funniest thing. It's like watching really bad Soap Opera acting. It's only obvious that this guy has a career because he's a good looking guy. But talent wise, my dog has more talent than this guy. He can't act, he can't sing, and he can't dance. Oh but he's considered one of the best actors in the Philippines. Goes to show how primitive the entertainment industry is over there huh?

I don't like him one bit. I think he's a sorry a$$ actor.

SUPER "HOT" GIRL

Meet Supergirl, Laura Vandervoort, from the TV series Smallville. She plays Supergirl aka Clark Kent's cousin, Kara. Let's see Clark's a mid west farm boy. That would classify as a hill billy right, a sophisticated hill billy. And you know red neck hilly billlies marry their siblings.

If I were Clark, I'd be trying to hit up my hot cousin. Look at her, you'd have to be gay to not want to get with her.

I mean come on, who wouldn't want to be rescued by this super girl?